HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
