for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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