I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
