FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
