Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
