I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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