There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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