dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
