it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
