I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
