Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
