Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
