So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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