What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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