Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
