I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
