Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
