you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
