He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
