Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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