no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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