he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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