how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
