Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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