I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
