I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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