There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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