It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
