Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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