I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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