No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What a dumb baby whore.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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