wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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