Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just invented taco cereal.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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