i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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