so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
