i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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