I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
