Can i not drive my cunt home
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
