I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
