This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
