The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
