I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
