The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
