it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
