You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
