I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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