Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
