Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
