I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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