Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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