It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
