Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
