I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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