butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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