I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
