I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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