i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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