I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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