I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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